The Joys of Mediocre Movies
Welcome to a website that revels in all that is cinematically average. While cool kids ironically watch terrible movies and chortle and cinephiles view overlooked films in dark basements, we scrutinise the most average films the world has even known.
It may seem like a strange move to create a website to celebrate mediocre movies, but you’d be wrong. Very wrong. Mediocre movies succeed because someone actually tried to make something exceptional. They probably tried very hard. Did they succeed in what they were trying to do? Nope. But their art can become something else. Something beautiful. A mediocre movie to appreciate in a different context.
Mediocre movies serve a variety of useful purposes, which is why we developed a category system to help users choose the right average film for them.
Categories on Mediocre Movies
There are countless reasons to watch mediocre movies, so to help we’ve divided up our movies into five distinct categories to complement some very specific moods.
Shitflix and Chill: For those times that you know something is going to go down (or, perhaps naively hoping it will) and don’t want to miss out on a genuinely good film or have your date be disgusted at your awful taste in movies. These films also don’t typically feature action-packed scenes that would otherwise distract you or your date from the work at hand.
Hungover: You’ve crustily woken up from a sleep and your mouth is as dry as a 2000 year old mummy’s, so you know that nothing is getting done today. You lazily order greasy delivered food and prepare for an afternoon of slipping in and out of consciousness between bites of pizza. No loud sounds to hurt that poor little head of yours.
Broken Up With: You can’t properly see the TV screen through the ever-flowing river of tears and find it difficult to hear much because of all the wailing that’s occurring somewhere else in the house. These mediocre films help uplift spirits, and will often be silly enough to help you forget about whatstheirname-who-cares-they-were-no-good-for-you-anyway.
Tripping Balls: The bag of powder you found under the couch you suspected was dandruff was in fact not scalp skin. As you feel the first rush and a distorted sense of time and self, you realise you’re in for the longhaul. Not having planned anything amusing, you need something that will be visually stimulating or perhaps contain some kind of philosophical commentary that will blow your drug-addled mind.
Miscellaneous Upsetting Life Event: You’re mad at someone or something or maybe nothing at all. Instead of smashing things and upsetting your parents or housemates, we recommend these action or violence-heavy mediocre films to help you blow off some steam. If symptoms persist call a health professional.
Submit to Cinematic Mediocrity
We’re here to lower your expectations. To help prepare you for the disappointing audio visual onslaught that awaits you in our catalogue of mediocre movies. In performing this sacred duty, we hope to be able to fundamentally redefine these films and make them into something more than the sum of their parts.
Don’t get down in the dumps if find a film on our database you adore. We all have our flaws. Remember – the shame of enjoying and repeatedly re-watching painfully average films is a special thing.
Enjoy Mediocre Movies.